I never thought it would be this hard

I knew it would't be easy, But i never thought it would be this hard
Letting go and putting up my guard
Shielding myself from any further pain
Pain caused from your lying, cheating, and deceit
Yea i know we wern't "official"
But us being official was never an issue
Titles only made things more complicated right
Still I called you mine and you called me yours
"I was cool with no commitment"
"Let me take that back, It was you so i was with it"
Down for whatever as long as it involved you
I stayed by your side through the good times and the bad, Ups through the downs
Nothing but a dime to your name, Yet i remained wifey
But hey, I didn't mind
Your kisses were sweet, and the sex, it was amazing
Not to mention the way you held me in your arms
A feeling that felt so good I would have paid for it
It was "our thing"
I still yearn for your touch, but not the pain that comes with it
I did everything for you, I Made you my number one priority
I was there before you even called, Not knowing you were calling on someone else
I never had a clue, But i didn't need to
I trusted you more than I trusted myself, I loved you more than i loved myself
You were my everything, And then some, And a lot more after that
When you had no one i was there, I wiped your tears, I took care of you
Wanting nothing in return but your loyalty and love
Only one i received
I had to find out from her. She said it had been a year
A year of you lying, A year of you cheating, A year of you giving my love away
And I say "my love" because "your love" was "my love"
She didn't deserve the love i worked so damn hard for
And you gave it away like it was nothing
You took her to "our place"
Made lover to her on the same bed you made love to me
Did you ever think twice about how I would feel
You went and got a coach bitch when you had first class at home
You couldn't help yourself, You had to roam
Yea maybe things wern't going that great between us but it didn't stop me from trying
I cared, I gave a damn
I'm the one who soaked my pillow every night from crying
I was devastated, Everything i knew was a lie, You were a lie, We were a lie
But yet I still felt love in my hearts for you, Even stronger than before
I wanted more but i had to settle for less
Forgave you i did but forget i couldn't
Thoughts of you and her flooded my mind
Did you stare in her eyes like you did mine
Did you kiss her lips ever so sweetly as when ours touched
Did you wrap you arms around her and play in her hair as if it were me
Did you love her like you loved me, I know you didn't
Regardless of the situation, Our love was one to be matched
But somehow we fell through the cracks
Cracks that are like my heart, Broken into pieces
Even though its been a couple of years, it still feels like yesterday
I still feel the pain you caused and the love you gave
Moving on from you has been the toughest journey of my life
Some days it's easy, Some days i just lay in bed and cry
Wishing you were there to hold me and whisper in my ear that everything would be alright
But everything isn't alright
I'm still in love with you when i shouldn't be
You've moved on and took my heart with you, It's my duty to take it back
But how can I when i feel no need to go on without you
I shove the feelings out of my head and heart but they always find a way back in
I gotta let you go and move on with my own life
I gotta keep trying no matter how hard it gets
I know one day I will look back and smile and remember what was
But until then I will keep loving you as i always have
Whether or not I will stop loving you, I don't know
ALL I know is that it wont be easy, But i never thought it would be this hard!